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Rater Lunch 1981 (Jack Coles)

Those unfamiliar with Cockney Rhyming slang should consult the note below for a better appreciation of this verse.

HAMPTON

Of all the Hamptons in the land,
Proud and unadorned you stand,
Not pretentious, nothing grand,
The one plain Hampton in England.

For as you travel round these isles,
You can go for miles and miles,
From Northampton to Southampton,
From Easthampton to Welchampton.

And when it comes to a matter of height,
There are further Hamptons for your delight,
There's Highampton, Felhampton,
Netherhampton and Welhampton.

When you're dishing out the prizes,
Remember they come in different sizes,
There's Greathampton, Chittlehampton,
Shorthampton, Littlehampton,
Sevenhampton, Corhampton.

There's Brighthampton, Newhampton,
All that anguish in the queue Hampton,
Could you build another Loo Hampton?

And if to build is in your mind,
Look what Hamptons you can find,
There's Brickhampton, Glasshampton,
Rockhampton, Oakhampton,
Woodhampton, Bathhampton,
Gatehampton, Bridgehampton.

For Hampton Charles we'll give a cheer,
Tho' Hampton Gay sounds rather queer,
If you doubt some names, then have no fear,
You will find them all in a gazetteer.

Hampton, Lovett, Hampton in Arden,
If I drop an 'aitch', I beg your parden,
Hampton Bishop sounds rather grand,
A Bishopric so I understand,
But whether or not a Bishopric,
It calls to mind - yes Hampton Wick.

At the starting line you're rather late,
You have trouble with your centre-plate.
When things are getting rather fraught,
Try not to get your Hampton Court!

There's Uphampton and Hampton Downs,
For one there are smiles, for the other frowns,
Of Hamptons there are many more,
But I have no wish to be a bore,
So Thames, you'll not need my persuasion,
For you to rise to this occasion,

For now I come to the matter's nub,
A toast to Hampton Sailing Club!

NOTE

In Cockney Rhyming slang the male "Dingle Dangle Dick" was known as a Hampton Wick - abbreviated to Hampton. Once this is appreciated the rhyme takes on a new DIMENSION.

Page last updated:  12/07/2008 10:26:11

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